Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Insomnia and Medication Change

Some days are overwhelming.

At first, I thought the medication change
was working.
A horrible part of this malady
is that adjustments
often take months.
The process is slow.
There's the weaning of one medication,
the slowly adding of another.
One thing throws off another.
My depression lifted but the mania
started all over again,
followed by the sinking depression.

I am not sleeping again.
I haven't gone to sleep
before 3:00 since we increased the
last medication.  My thoughts are
flitting here and there.

 I can literally see them moving
from one place to another, 
if that makes any sense.
So, he changes once again and
says this may make you manic.
I went to get a sip of something
(no, not that, but maybe that's what I need!)
and the clock read 5:30.

Today I finally awoke at 12:00 noon,
with a hangover.
(Although, I'm guessing what a hangover feels like.
Never had one.)

 I so need to sleep.

I went to see my little lady,
and give her a birthday basket. 
She opened her eyes enough to say, "Hey."

She has a brain tumor and
Hospice has been called in.

Sometimes I think she sees the face of God
or the angels coming to get her.
She opens her eyes, lifts her hand,
and looks above her with the biggest smile.

"The best way to find yourself
is to lose yourself
in the service of others."
It's 8:30pm Eastern Standard Time
and I'm still in a fog,
for just a little while I felt good,
forgetting myself and helping someone else.

I read recently that Mother Theresa suffered
was often sad and wondered if she was making a difference.
Can you believe that?
I wonder if that's what kept her helping someone else.

Her smile makes me smile.

 These make me smile:)

Can't wait for a few days away
with the ones I love.



  1. I hope your time away is the best medication!

  2. Get some sleep on the way and ENJOY THOSE BABIES! I agree with Mari...they are the best drugs available! Have a wonderful time!

  3. Enjoy your time away and holding those grandbabies, Bonbon! xo