Tonight was the first time I have
been to any social gathering of any kind
in a long time.
I was scared.
I could have stayed at home.
It would have felt safer to stay at home.
I'm glad I went.
With BD, sometimes you have to make yourself
get out of the house, get out of bed, do something,
do anything. More times than not when you do,
you feel better.
My children call me everyday
sometimes two times a day.
Our conversations yesterday...
My son asks,
(I try to fake it! I usually can!)
"Have you been taking your medication?"
(Typical medical-person question)
Again he asks,
(Always my anxious child)
"Not sleeping well."
"What are you gonna do about it?"
"The doctor is working on it."
"What are you taking?"
I tell him.
That's an anti-blah, blah, blah..."
Like I didn't know.
(My baby boy, the Physicians Assistant)
My daughter asks,
"Are you okay?"
My goodness, my fake is failing me!
"Yes, just not sleeping well."
"Why do you think that is?"
(My analytical first-born)
"The doctor says that we may need to make some adjustments in my medications."
"It's okay. I'm fine. I'm gonna be fine."
(Trying to reassure her or myself?)
"I know, but I'm sorry. I wish I could help."
"I'd be fine if I could move up there."
Mr. H is listening,
"Oh, you know what I mean!"
I have a good man. I forget how hard this must be for him.
It's 2 am.
Sure would like to wake up to this.
How about you?
"I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O Lord,
make me dwell in safety."