Depression Hurts
This entry was written a couple of years ago. It's a look inside the emotional and physical symptoms of the bipolar.
If you follow my blog, White Lace and Promises, you know what I've struggled with. This week has been one of those weeks.
Today my physical symptoms are these: fatigue, headache, blurred vision, inability to focus, concentrate or remember, muscle spasms in my neck and back, feeling like I have been drugged. (I have not/am not.)
Today my emotional symptoms are these: overall sense of sadness, inability to connect, feeling of isolation.
Some days I am withdrawn and not talkative. Some days I am running from one place to another, chatter, chatter, chatter, laugh, laugh, laugh, happy, happy, happy. I like these feelings of mania (the manic of depression) but I know that I will fall so I have to pace myself so the fall won't be so far down.
If you follow my blog, White Lace and Promises, you know what I've struggled with. This week has been one of those weeks.
Today my physical symptoms are these: fatigue, headache, blurred vision, inability to focus, concentrate or remember, muscle spasms in my neck and back, feeling like I have been drugged. (I have not/am not.)
Today my emotional symptoms are these: overall sense of sadness, inability to connect, feeling of isolation.
Some days I am withdrawn and not talkative. Some days I am running from one place to another, chatter, chatter, chatter, laugh, laugh, laugh, happy, happy, happy. I like these feelings of mania (the manic of depression) but I know that I will fall so I have to pace myself so the fall won't be so far down.
Still trying to figure out what is happening in blogland and I'm mad because I paid $45 for a suggestion that allowed me to post with the new interface, but when I look for my posts they aren't there and I no longer have any followers and I have no idea if anyone will even see this post so I guess I can vent and say what I want to without fear of being exposed.
Wow, I think that's a run-on sentence.
I seem to be doing a lot of run-ons, run-offs, run-ins, and run-outs.
I make a financial over-the-phone mistake and then I run-off at the mouth to some phone rep who has no idea what I'm talking about. I ask for forgiveness.
I have a run-in with a person who I'm looking to avoid because of past conflict.
I have run-out of groceries and pay day is another 5 days away.
I'm once again struggling to keep my head above water.
Like the commercial says, "Depression hurts."
I ache all over like I have the flu. I can hardly talk. My mind and eyes are foggy.
My prayers are many. My feelings are few. My faith still holds.
Kinda like modpodge, I have feelings plastered on top of each other. It would be impossible to peel them all off. They are stuck. I feel stuck.
And still I continue to put layer upon layer.
Knowing that went it's all said and done, He will make something beautiful of my mess.
This too shall pass,
Bonnie:)
It's good for me to read this, because I've had patients with bipolar. This gives me a better idea of what living with it is like.
ReplyDeleteI can tell when the mania starts, I get chatty. I talk, talk, talk without stopping.
DeleteI have never been diagonsed (sp? sorry) with depression..however.. I certaintly can tell you..it is real. I am the major caregiver to a chronically ill husband. At times, I have the same way you feel..just being truthful..Blessings sweet girl.
ReplyDeleteI have suffered from depression before, but not bipolar depression. Mine was linked to anxiety. When you suffer from anxiety without any let up it just leads to depression. You run out of steam to keep on going because every day is a battle to get through. You feel like you're the only one feeling that way and you just want to be "free" from it! I've learned that a lot of my anxiety comes from my own inner thoughts. It's my assumptions about things etc that trigger it. So, that's one reason I try to live a stress free lifestyle as much as possible. I try to change the thoughts in my head to positive ones instead of negative ones. I love the phrase This Too Shall Pass. I believe it and have to hold on to it when anxiety rears its ugly head.
ReplyDeleteBonnie, I wanted to let you know that I was here today...and I'm blessed at how already this blog has opened up doors for others. Love and hugs coming your way, sweet Friend! xo
ReplyDeleteThanks, guys. My blogging friends and the Grace of God have sustained me through some very dark days the past few years. Feel free to share with anyone you know who may be going through the same thing.
ReplyDelete