Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Name Change

I've changed the name of my blog
Depression:  The Upside of Down
in hopes to attract others who are facing
the ups and downs of this illness.

I have joined forums on depression
sharing thoughts from a Christian perspective. 
There are unstable people, people just like me,
who are angry at the world and 
refuse to get help.
Even these people, need to heard.

I don't ever want my blog to become negative. 
However, there is no way
to fully explain the disorder without 
sharing the opposite end of the spectrum, 

I hope to share personal experiences
and the hope that I have because of Jesus.

Sometimes we need a safe place to vent.
A place where we don't have to quiet
about mental illness.

We need people who say,
"Hey, that's how I'm feeling."
"I get you!"
"You get me!"

So, I hope you will allow me to share my emotions.
There is strength in vulnerability.

Most of you know that the past few weeks
I have been more depressed with insomnia and panic attacks.

Today was my second trip to the doctor.
I'd been on the same medication for over a year
and we "need to make some adjustments."

I don't like change.
I usually have the side effects.
Those are sometimes to be calm, make me hyper.
Those that are sometimes to give me energy, make me sluggish.
For two weeks, I've slept only 2-3 hours every night.
The medication he prescribed calms me,
but doesn't help me sleep.
I feel like I'm in a catatonic state.
(I'm not)
I never been a drinker, but I feel like I'm drunk
and then hung over.

So today, big changes!
It was hard for me to articulate what I felt was going on
in my body and my mind.
He had to write down step by step what medications
I must take and when.

He discontinued the one that makes me drunk
and zoned out.
(Thank God!)
He doesn't know I had already stopped it!
He cut back on one and increased another one.
He prescribed a new one.

I'm to take one with the one I'm already taking
for four more days and then up the new one.
This will allow my body to adjust to the new drug as
I gradually stop the other one.

So, could you figure this out???

When Mama realized her mind was failing,
she wrote down some verses that helped her
through the loss of my brother
and other challenges that she faced.

When I don't know what to do,
I look to His Word.

"For the eyes of the Lord roam to and fro 
(He's always looking for me and you!)
to strengthen those whose hearts are 
fully committed to Him."  2 Chronicles 16:9

"Be strong and courageous, Do not be afraid
(sometimes I am) or terrified because of them (it)
for the Lord your God goes before you and 
will be with you, He will never leave you or forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6, 8

The Psalm is full of comfort and assurance
that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

He sends forth His Word and heals,
not always in the way we want.

Paul prayed three times that the thorn be removed
and Paul learned that in his weakness, God is strong.

This is a journey.

It isn't boring, that's for sure!



  1. Bonnie, I will be praying for you over the next few weeks while your body adjusts to these medications. I truly hope that you are able to get some sleep...SOON. 2-3 hours a night just doesn't cut it. Thanks for making us aware of the name change.

    I am wondering if you have ever thought of making a blog button that we readers could put on our blog sidebars to kind of help get the word out about this blog? At one time I knew how to make those buttons, but the last time I tried making one, I couldn't do it. Just a suggestion.

    Hugs to you, sweet friend.

  2. Bonnie, you are far from refusing help..that my friend, is the truth. You have recognized it and are getting help, it will just take time. I'll be here all the way..or until you kick me out, lol. (wink)--Have faith my friend..I do. Blessings

  3. Boy, do I know a couple of people I would like to hook up with your blog...